This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You have to summon your inner elephant
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
