please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize