All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
