How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
