I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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