I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you will always have a special place in my vag
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
