the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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