i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
