Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
