You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
