mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
