Me. At least after what I've been through.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize