I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize