I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
That's how pantless uber rides happen
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
