You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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