Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He shit in the fireplace
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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