VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize