I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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