ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
