im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
