Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
