I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
