I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
