Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
