is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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