Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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