the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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