Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
