Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
