im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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