I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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