A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
