Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
