I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Princesses don't give blow jobs
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
