this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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