we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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