Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
