Soap is not a condiment
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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