Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
