90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
