So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
