I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I believe in your delicious
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
