Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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