yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
