Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
