In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I need a beard to bite.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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