Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
