I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
