i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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