if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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