If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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