she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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