My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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