We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
