I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
