I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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