So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
