I'd wear matching sweaters with you
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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