She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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