oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
