where am i from again
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
