I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
is it fun? or sober?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
