FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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