In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
