how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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