i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
