yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
