I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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