Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
