My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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