I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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