i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You may now shotgun with the bride
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
