You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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