How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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